...much like the Green Lantern's ring was powered by a...well...a green lantern...I think. I never really liked Green Lantern, that much.
Anyway, I was just eating some Snyder's of Hanover pretzels, and I thought to myself that I should market Schneider's of One Day At A Time (named after the character played by Pat Harrington, the man who shot Billy the Kid. Or, was that Mrs. Garrett from Facts of Life?).
So, I baked up some prototypes, complete with little mustaches just like Dwayne Schneider had on the show. Unfortunately, the mustaches looked more like Hitler's than they did Schneider's. The pretzels invaded the fridge and, within three days, they had subjugated the Polish sausage, launched a Friteskrieg against my leftover fries and committed atrocities against the JuJuBees.
Before I could get them out and crush them, the Hitlerpretzels and their girlfriend, Eva Braunmustard, committed suicide. At least, that's what the Russian dressing told me, after it was all over. I never saw the crumbs, however, so I think the pretzels may have escaped.