Tuesday, January 19, 2010


I have a few different ways I remind myself of things, depending on how urgent/important they seem to me. If it is something I absolutely want to attend to, I email myself a note so that I will be sure to see it.

If it's something that doesn't seem so urgent, or something I'm not sure I'll ever act on, I use a pencil to write myself a short note on a small Post-It. Then, I stick that on the little window over my driver's license, in my wallet. The constant small shifts that the wallet makes as I walk around will, eventually, smudge the pencil marks to the point that I can't read them.

This takes long enough that, if I pull the wallet out and see one of these illegible notes, I know that whatever was on it wasn't ever important enough for me to worry about it. Then, I throw the sticky note away and go about my business.

So, if you ever give me your number, or some info, and I write it down and stick it in my wallet...Well, let's just say you shouldn't hold your breath waiting to hear from me.


Sunday, November 15, 2009

I ws just thinking, it's not been a good year for the child abusers.

Michael Jackson died. Or, his zombie corpse finally rejected the artificial animation to which it had been submitted years ago. He always claimed that he had had no cosmetic surgery. I'm beginning to believe that he may have been telling the truth. Ever see a picture of an ancient Egyptian mummy? I'm just saying, the dude looked like he had been dead and decaying for years, by the time he "died". Maybe the Thriller video was actually a confession/clue, like all of those clues that McCartney had died back in the sixties.

Roman Polanski was finally captured, after years hiding out in the obscurity of deluxe hotels and awards banquets. Seriously, how hard would it have been to get the stupid little prick back? I mean, sure, the French love Jerry Lewis...but even the frog-eaters have to see something wrong with drugging, then anally raping, a 13 year old girl.

Richard Heene's kid tattled on him about the whole balloon thing. And, beyond the fact that he's whoring his kids out on the teevee in order to get his own smug face on the screen, just check out the Cost Cutter's "Child Molester" mop-cut he wears on top of his melon. Really, it would be hard to feel sorry for him, even if he hadn't put his family through two (!!!!!) seasons of being on Wife Swap. But he did. So, screw him.

Can't say I feel sorry for any one of 'em, really.


Friday, November 6, 2009


I have some pretty strong addictive tendencies. Once I start eating hot foods (peppers, hot sauce, etc.), I can't stop until I am totally full and almost sick to my stomach.

Once I start reading, I read until I fall asleep.

Tonight, I am drinking vodka tonics.

Tomorrow morning may not be so pleasant...


Monday, November 2, 2009

This Post Doesn't Make Much Sense, But That's What Gives It its Power...

...much like the Green Lantern's ring was powered by a...well...a green lantern...I think. I never really liked Green Lantern, that much.

Anyway, I was just eating some Snyder's of Hanover pretzels, and I thought to myself that I should market Schneider's of One Day At A Time (named after the character played by Pat Harrington, the man who shot Billy the Kid. Or, was that Mrs. Garrett from Facts of Life?).

So, I baked up some prototypes, complete with little mustaches just like Dwayne Schneider had on the show. Unfortunately, the mustaches looked more like Hitler's than they did Schneider's. The pretzels invaded the fridge and, within three days, they had subjugated the Polish sausage, launched a Friteskrieg against my leftover fries and committed atrocities against the JuJuBees.

Before I could get them out and crush them, the Hitlerpretzels and their girlfriend, Eva Braunmustard, committed suicide. At least, that's what the Russian dressing told me, after it was all over. I never saw the crumbs, however, so I think the pretzels may have escaped.


Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Tired? Cranky? Out of Sorts?

There's a nap for that.


Sunday, October 25, 2009

Busy Night, and You're Welcome

Well, I finally completed my time travel machine, last night, and traveled back in time 400 years. There/then I was able to throw a wrench into the Reptile Overlords' invasion plan and totally avoid their reign of terror.

So, the baby farms, the worker class/food class designations, all of the terror of the past four centuries never happened.

Of course, since I made it never happen, you don't remember it, I suppose. So, no need thanking me. Just knowing that you have your left eyes back (the Reptiles removed them at birth so that we would have no depth perception, making it harder to have an uprising) makes me happy.

That, and the fact that I'm no longer on the menu.


Saturday, October 24, 2009

Hoo, Hmm, Well...

Just gonna let it flow here. No worries about whether anyone approves. I hide beneath a veil of anonymity I usually despise, yet now welcome like a lover's embrace.

This is the spot I dump all of those things that the voices in my head whisper to me all night long.

If you've stumbled upon this, don't worry about its meaning. There may or may not be any.

Anyhoo, I hope you enjoy the ride.